1. |
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Once upon a time there was
a mom and dad who gave birth to
a precious little baby girl
and their lives were as perfect as can be
then one day they gave birth to
a second child who was a beast
demon spawn from the beyond
that nobody else would see
fasten the chains, set the bait
lock the entrance to the gate
to the space beneath the floor
go downtown and catch a flick
don't forget the dynamite stick
in case she breaks right through the door
then one day while they were out
the chains were loose and the beast broke out
she smashed the tv, ate the cat
killed the neighbors that little brat
they tracked her down to maple street
time was right to catch the beast
a tranquilizer dart was used
the shot was there and the aim was true
fasten the chains, set the bait
lock the entrance to the gate
drag the beast down by the hair
go downtown and catch a flick
don't forget the dynamite stick
as she waits beneath the stairs
the creature sleeps beneath stairs
the creature has the worst nightmares
the creature sleeps beneath the floor
the creature's just a little girl
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2. |
Dreamland
01:47
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a broken pack of cigarettes
a warm refreshing beer
every single action is predetermined by my fears
a smelly box of litter
a hard concrete floor
i break my keys off right into my door
then i hear my car alarm go off
suddenly i'm laying in my bed
right next to my sleeping wife
then it hits me like a giant boxing glove
my dreams are as boring as my life
i was a spectator at the gay pride parade
the people were so nice there they gave me lemonade
i come home to find, my cat's puked on the rug
i'm so glad to see her i give her a big old hug
then she hisses and she scratches me
suddenly i'm laying in my bed
right next to my sleeping wife
then it hits me like a giant boxing glove
my dreams are as boring as my life
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3. |
Deadbeat Dad Day
02:53
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This one goes out to all the daddies
who decided they just didn't care
they put their own happiness
in front of their children's welfare
forget about about the child support
that you refuse to pay
and celebrate a brand new holiday
it's called
deadbeat dad day (you can get drunk and pass out)
deabeat dad day (keep your children's trophies)
deadbeat dad day (and totally ruin Halloween)
deabeat dad day, celebrate it every day
show up at your convenience
and let mom do all the work
that way you can be the good guy
and make mom look like the jerk
then you can go back
to your pathetic little mid life crisis
and your kids can get used to not having a dad
it's called
deadbeat dad day (set the worst example)
deadbeat dad day ( and buy a motorcycle)
deadbeat dad day (then miss a couple birthdays)
deadbeat dad day celebrate it every day
then your children will grow up
and it will dawn on them that
their father is just a piece of shit!
so enjoy
deadbeat dad day (blow that tax return)
deadbeat dad day (what was her name again?)
deadbeat dad day (keep breaking their hearts)
deadbeat dad day, celebrate it every day
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4. |
Bishop
03:39
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Hey fat fuck you're a little fat fuck
how could you be such a fat lazy fuck?
could you possibly be any fucking fatter?
Hey fat fuck you're a little fat fuck
how could you be such a fat lazy fuck?
could you possibly be any fucking fatter?
that's what Jon Bishop would whisper in my ear
as i began my freshman year
now i am thirty years old
how could you be so cold
to a boy you didn't even know
you must have had low self esteem
so you took it out on me
because you knew that i would not fight back
so every day i'd fear that long walk down the hall
do you remember me at all?
you know, i lost fifty pounds
i heard you put on a little weight
you're still stuck in that town
divorced lonely and drunk
as for me?, well, i'm doing alright
who's the fat fuck now?
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5. |
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The woman at the counter is going insane
the woman at the counter is going insane
everything was going fine
until her upgrade got declined
now the woman at the counter is going insane
she reaches into her purse
as a tear esacapes her eye
she pulls out her little friend
and she points it at the guy
who's the source of all her rotten luck
the symbolic tool corporation schmuck
the suit and tie can't hide away the fact
she pulls her trigger and his brains go splat
the woman at the counter is going insane
the woman at the counter is going insane
she just shot an unarmed man
consequences be damned
now the woman at the counter is going insane
the cops rush into the room
and they begin to shout
put your weapon to the ground
before we take your old ass out
she ignores everything they say
they will come to rue the day
grandma was forced to use her gat
they pull their triggers
and her brains go splat
the woman at the counter is going insane
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6. |
Have A Seat
03:28
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Sit down in my office chair, greasy palms and a blank stare
log into the chat room, to spread some terror and some doom
i'm thirty pounds overweight and it's time for me to masturbate
peer at the names at my chatlist
the excitement makes me clench my fist
who could she be, where is she at
i ain't gonna beg you little brats
start a chat with Maureen who says she's only thirteen
i ask her where she comes from, she says she lives in bloomington
do you like the boys at school?
she says no but you seem cool
this is her i found the one
it's time for me to have some fun
drop my pants, snap a pic
and send her a jpeg of my dick
whoa, god i love the internet
whoa, has the session started yet
whoa, she will not forget
whoa she saw it on the internet
and so three days go by with no sign of my sweetie pie
i'm starting to get alarmed, why would she go and break my heart?
finally she logs back in and i can't help but grin
our love is pure and so true
no one can tell me what to do
i'm fifty eight and she's thirteen
it's the purest love you've ever seen
i ask her where you been, she said she was on vacation
i ask her if she got my pic she says yeah, your dick is really big
i ask her if she'd like to see it up close and personally
she says you know i would now what day would work for you
whoa, god i love the internet
whoa, has our session started yet
whoa, hey look, i got a new message
whoa, and this is what it said
my parents are going out of town
there won't be anyone around
and though you live six hours away
you can come and stay the day
you can do whatever you want
use the back door use the front
bring the condoms, bring the beer
i'll just be waiting here
and so i pull up to the driveway
and i walk into the doorway
as i step into the kitchen
chris hansen, is there waiting
he tells me to have a seat
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7. |
Village Of The Dumb
02:01
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Welcome to our charming town
where everything is upside down
our people are a friendly bunch
you won't stay i have a hunch
have you seen our town square?
meth abuse is everywhere
you are sure to have some fun
everyone fucks everyone
and when you arrive
it may be tricky to survive
and at this rate
you may be unable to escape
welcome to the village of the dumb
stay for too long and you'll grow numb
the world outside is so big and bright
stick to the place where you come from
you lost your mind and you went back
i nearly had a heart attack
you thought it would be easier
boredom can be deadlier
now you're stuck in that shit hole
the village wants to eat your soul
you just found out you'll be a dad
be the dad we never had
when you arrive
you're just another drone in the hive
when you're alone
you may be tempted to go home
welcome to the village of the dumb
stay for too long and you'll grow numb
the world outside is so big and bright
stick to the place where you come from
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8. |
Succubus Got Married
01:51
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succubus got married
succubus got married
succubus got married
and her husband is totally insane
he took up every noble cause
gonna stand up for the working man
but i suspect that passion's fake
a facade designed to help him take
his mind off his horrible mistake
succubus got married
succubus got married
succubus got married
and that poor boy has lost his fucking mind
he can hear the whispers in the air
from the corpses at the bottom of her lair
he tells himself that just can't be
she's so smart and funny and cute and sweet
but he can see the blood stained on her teeth
succubus got married
succubus got married
succubus got married
he looks for some peace of mind
tells himself everything's fine
and he'll deny he's lost his fucking mind
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9. |
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Did you hear the story of the noble statesman
who did something drastic when the news came in
that he was accepting monetary kickbacks
an action that's generally frowned upon
did you see the way he called the press conference
that was televised to a state wide audience?
and despite the overwhelming evidence
budd maintained his innocence
little did the people know that budd had hatched a plan
he'd show all of them that budd dwyer was an honest man
whoa
did you see him standing at the podium
brandishing the .357 magnum?
did you hear the way the crowd began to shout
budd would you please put the weapon down?
did you see the way he put the gun in his mouth?
he pulled the trigger and the blood flowed out
of his nose like someone turned a faucet on
suddenly our dear old budd was gone
the schools in pennsylvania closed early that day
and about ten thousand children watched budd dwyer blow himself away
whoa
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10. |
Karen Cooper
04:48
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Here i stand in silence amongst my family and strangers to escape the violence
we dare not wander upstairs, the outside world is full of terror, the stuff of nightmares
there she is laying right there, with that look that says she loves me, that she needs me
there she is laying right there, and i know just what she wants from me, she needs her daddy
come lay your weary head
upon this makeshift bed
the outside we do dread
on night of the living dead
here we stand again in the confines of this basement, our imprisonment
we can hear something moving sounds like it's in the kitchen is it one of them
a woman lets out a scream so we go ahead and rush upstairs to survey the scene
there they are standing right there and i know just what they want from me they want my baby
come lay your weary head
upon this makeshift bed
the outside we do dread
on night of the living dead
and they tell me that hiding in the basement is a mistake
we should board the walls and floors and doors and plan our escape
i tell them that i disagree and he just don't like me
says he is the boss up here, i can be the boss down there
so here i am again laying on the pavement in the basement
i wanna see my baby so i crawl to her gourney and i see it's empty
there she is standing right there as she digs a garden spade into her mother's chest
there she is coming right at me and i know just what she wants from me she has to feed
come lay your weary head
upon this makeshift bed
the outside we do dread
on night of the living
everyone else is dead
we really should have fled
ben shoots us in the head
on night of the living dead
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11. |
Screens
03:38
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morning arrives i open my eyes
i reach down, by my side
i grab my phone and i light up my screen
my twitter feed is the first thing that i see
i get up and i put on some coffee
sit down and i turn on my bigger screen
i go to work where i spend my whole day
touching and looking at screens
and it makes me so bummed out to say
i've got a problem with screens
i feel so empty all the time (except when i'm online)
and i just gotta fill the void (i turned into an android)
i'm not as chipper as i seem (electric sheep in my dreams)
so i take comfort in my screen
if you know what i mean
after work i go out
there's a band at bull's that i'm all about
but i don't watch them with my own eyes
i watch them through my galaxy s5
i get home about a quarter to three
sit down and i turn on my tv screen
i upload the entire set online
so i can check it out when i find the time
my brain is just becoming an empty space
but i just can't turn off my screen
i feel so empty all the time (except when i'm online)
but i just gotta fill the void (i turned into an android)
i'm not as chipper as i seem (electric sheep in my dreams)
so i take comfort in my screen
if you know what i mean
my brain slowly becomes an empty space
and i should just turn off my screen
i feel so empty all the time (except when i'm online)
but i just gotta fill the void (i turned into an android)
i'm not as chipper as i seem (electric sheep in my dreams)
so i take comfort in my screen
if you know what i mean
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12. |
The Last One Left
02:01
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we started in '06
just a bunch of stupid dicks
playing our crappy songs
but slowly we improved
we decided to move
see if we could branch out
jordan lasted only a couple months
josh had to go back and finish school
i contemplated giving up and moving back
but you said Kurt, "Fuck that."
Now it's only you and me
left behind our family
but we won't give up
it's a promise that we've kept
and now we're the last ones left
then nathan joined the band
we got ian on drums
i had the best year of my life
then it kinda fizzled out
you joined the bass line bums
and ian died
then you lost your mind, you moved back home
my motivation went right out the door
but lately something's lit a fire inside of me
and i pledge that I will forge ahead
suddenly it's only me
left behind my family
but i won't give up
it's a promise that i've kept
and now, I'm the last one left
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